Hi, friends...
My blog is being moved to a website and ministry that I am a part of that is being retooled and reimagined, www.ParenTeen.com.
We are going to be offering much more content online for parents, youthworkers, and thoughtful people in general. I will be blogging there weekly (I know, I know... is it possible? We'll see...)
I will keep this site active only for past posts, but all my new thoughts, ideas, and work related to my external ministry will be done through Parenteen.com and Chapclark.com
Thanks. Chap
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, October 3, 2011
AACC 2011 Chap Clark Seminar: 6 New Realities of Today's Adolescents
This is the power point presentation from the American Association of Christian Counselors International Conference, 2011, of the seminar, "Counseling and serving today's adolescent: 6 new realities that impact our work with kids"
To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com
To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com
AACC 2011 Chap Clark Seminar: HURT 2.0
This is the power point presentation I gave at the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) 2011 International Conference based on the new book of the same title, "Hurt 2.0: Inside the world of today's teenagers"
To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com
To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com
Saturday, January 23, 2010
parents and their kids
Like you, there's something about the innocence of children that so quickly shifts into a wholly more complex and confusing animal called an adolescent. Yet as a parent, and as a researcher of kids and culture, beneath this confusion and complexity there is a naive optimism that shows itself in those late-night talks, or bursts of free and unfiltered childlike laughter. When children - not just our kids, but all kids - get a little older, and a bit more separate and guarded, it is so easy for us to believe the outside is the whole picture. We can't be fooled. Every one is desperately on the quest to find someone who truly and unselfishly cares for them. Every one...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Being "Missional"
“Missional” is one of those really cool words. Its not like postmodern, now passé. Nobody ever really understood it anyway and yet still it was easy to get caught using it when we didn’t have any idea what it meant. Or biblical (or Biblical, depending on your publisher), where it sounds like it would be easy to stay on safe ground, but then someone might actually call you on it and make you look up and then go through the verse you were flippantly lobbing into a conversation or message.
Yep, Missional ministry, the missional church, and now missional youth ministry – what a great word. It’s still new enough it sounds innovative, and anyone can write it, preach on it, and few if any would ever challenge your use of it. A wide-ranging word that makes us look and feel better, and yet has so much breadth that you really can’t go wrong.
Unfortunately, though (and sorry to bring this up), there actually is an important and valuable conversation going on around the meaning of this word, and what it represents. People that are studying it in light of Scripture and church history are making some noise saying that the western church has drifted so far away from anything resembling God’s call to be missional that we can now barely recognize it.
To most, missional means that we as a group of believers do our Christian thing together and then go out and “be missionaries.” We basically have slightly modified the Western missionary movement by making the starting point us.
Here’s what it means to be a missional people:
- we try to live as “committed followers of Jesus” (meaning we go to church)
- we sing and pray and listen and teach kids and write checks
- we occasionally readjust our schedules to help someone in need, especially at Christmas, Thanksgiving and before kickoff on Super Bowl Sunday
- when we have a special program or event, we invite our “friends and neighbors” to “come” to us
You see, we’re missional, because we sometimes make the effort to look outside the walls of our church and attempt to bring people in; or, if they are too different, or distant, we help them out now and then. See, we’re missional.
The problem is that is not even close to what God has in mind when we say yes to the faith we proclaim. To be missional means that if we are “a people belonging to God” (1 Peter 2:9), then our lives get turned upside down. We don’t “do” missions, we live, breath, plan, think, vote, spend, teach, read, watch, have sex, raise kids, and play video games as we follow Jesus Christ as he brings his kingdom into the world. We don’t bring the kingdom as “missionaries,” we participate in God’s kingdom work as “witnesses” (Acts 1:8).
Yep, Missional ministry, the missional church, and now missional youth ministry – what a great word. It’s still new enough it sounds innovative, and anyone can write it, preach on it, and few if any would ever challenge your use of it. A wide-ranging word that makes us look and feel better, and yet has so much breadth that you really can’t go wrong.
Unfortunately, though (and sorry to bring this up), there actually is an important and valuable conversation going on around the meaning of this word, and what it represents. People that are studying it in light of Scripture and church history are making some noise saying that the western church has drifted so far away from anything resembling God’s call to be missional that we can now barely recognize it.
To most, missional means that we as a group of believers do our Christian thing together and then go out and “be missionaries.” We basically have slightly modified the Western missionary movement by making the starting point us.
Here’s what it means to be a missional people:
- we try to live as “committed followers of Jesus” (meaning we go to church)
- we sing and pray and listen and teach kids and write checks
- we occasionally readjust our schedules to help someone in need, especially at Christmas, Thanksgiving and before kickoff on Super Bowl Sunday
- when we have a special program or event, we invite our “friends and neighbors” to “come” to us
You see, we’re missional, because we sometimes make the effort to look outside the walls of our church and attempt to bring people in; or, if they are too different, or distant, we help them out now and then. See, we’re missional.
The problem is that is not even close to what God has in mind when we say yes to the faith we proclaim. To be missional means that if we are “a people belonging to God” (1 Peter 2:9), then our lives get turned upside down. We don’t “do” missions, we live, breath, plan, think, vote, spend, teach, read, watch, have sex, raise kids, and play video games as we follow Jesus Christ as he brings his kingdom into the world. We don’t bring the kingdom as “missionaries,” we participate in God’s kingdom work as “witnesses” (Acts 1:8).
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Helicopter parents
There's a lot of talk these days about the way parents are too intrusive, or controlling, or dominant when it comes to running their kids' lives. We've all heard the prototypical examples:
- the dad that does the science project (or in California, builds the mission!)
- the parents who write the college essay
- the mom who confronts the teacher when the kid is in trouble ("I don't know why I did it... there was the bunson burner; there was a pony tail; it just seemed sorta natural...")
The label most often used, especially but not exclusively by colleges, is the Helicopter Parent.
As I've considered what many think is the opposite of my term "systemic abandonment," the helicopter parent is actually just displaying a form of abandonment. In my view, the kind of parents that hover to the point that they answer questions the kid should be answering is actually keeping the kid from learning how to discover and express who they are (Identity) and what kind of personal power, or sense of self, they are developing (Autonomy). I don't really think most of these folks are necessarily "helicopter parents," but rather are parents who, for the most part, deeply care for their children and therefore think they are acting in the best interest of the child as they are trying to help them. These parents (and, frankly, at times the rest of us) abandon their kid whenever we are not actively seeking to help them become the independent, individuated person they have been created and called to become. This is because the concept itself refers to any adult that is more concerned with their own perspective/agenda than the
developmental best of the kid.
And sometimes parents may be appearing to be "helicopter" when in fact they may be far more aware of any teacher, administrator, resident advisor or coach what is the best way to help an adolescent move into healthy adulthood. Whether or not parents slip into the hover mode is at base a difficult thing to really know. When any of us are critical of those parents who may seem to be over-the-top when it comes to their involvement with their child, it might be a good idea to step back and see if we might come alongside and be a source of support and help to the whole system. And when we are pretty sure we're right in our assesment of over-controlling parents (or any adult), then maybe our best next step is to be there for that child in the role we do have with them, and provide the authentic and supportive support they truly need. Maybe the helicopter will take note and settle down a bit and join in.
- the dad that does the science project (or in California, builds the mission!)
- the parents who write the college essay
- the mom who confronts the teacher when the kid is in trouble ("I don't know why I did it... there was the bunson burner; there was a pony tail; it just seemed sorta natural...")
The label most often used, especially but not exclusively by colleges, is the Helicopter Parent.
As I've considered what many think is the opposite of my term "systemic abandonment," the helicopter parent is actually just displaying a form of abandonment. In my view, the kind of parents that hover to the point that they answer questions the kid should be answering is actually keeping the kid from learning how to discover and express who they are (Identity) and what kind of personal power, or sense of self, they are developing (Autonomy). I don't really think most of these folks are necessarily "helicopter parents," but rather are parents who, for the most part, deeply care for their children and therefore think they are acting in the best interest of the child as they are trying to help them. These parents (and, frankly, at times the rest of us) abandon their kid whenever we are not actively seeking to help them become the independent, individuated person they have been created and called to become. This is because the concept itself refers to any adult that is more concerned with their own perspective/agenda than the
developmental best of the kid.
And sometimes parents may be appearing to be "helicopter" when in fact they may be far more aware of any teacher, administrator, resident advisor or coach what is the best way to help an adolescent move into healthy adulthood. Whether or not parents slip into the hover mode is at base a difficult thing to really know. When any of us are critical of those parents who may seem to be over-the-top when it comes to their involvement with their child, it might be a good idea to step back and see if we might come alongside and be a source of support and help to the whole system. And when we are pretty sure we're right in our assesment of over-controlling parents (or any adult), then maybe our best next step is to be there for that child in the role we do have with them, and provide the authentic and supportive support they truly need. Maybe the helicopter will take note and settle down a bit and join in.
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