chapclark

Moving my blog to chapclark.com

2012-01-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Hi, friends...

My blog is being moved to a website and ministry that I am a part of that is being retooled and reimagined, www.ParenTeen.com.

We are going to be offering much more content online for parents, youthworkers, and thoughtful people in general. I will be blogging there weekly (I know, I know... is it possible? We'll see...)

I will keep this site active only for past posts, but all my new thoughts, ideas, and work related to my external ministry will be done through Parenteen.com and Chapclark.com

Thanks. Chap

To my friends in "The Occupy" movement

2011-10-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

I want to stand with you.

So many of you are angry. So many wounded. So many want better jobs and higher wages. Where there is injustice, where there is pain, where there is no hope, I want to stand with you, as one Occupier texted me, “for your children’s sake.”

Amongst the most direct of the biblical injunctions is Micah 6:8:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

“Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.” Three strands so intrinsically interwoven that to emphasize one at the expense of the others diminishes their effect, and sometimes causes more harm than good.

Act justly. To right wrongs. To replace self-interest with the commitment to care about and for the needs and rights of my fellow human beings. To stand up for the oppressed at the risk of my own comfort, power or position. To seek change where darkness reigns. To develop the art of listening, and to seek truth and wisdom and insight, and then to act in accordance with the justice I value.

Love mercy (kindness). No man or woman, then, is an enemy, for all carry the burden of navigating this highly complex and precarious world we occupy together. It is the systems we have constructed, and the structures we have relied on, that enable and even empower our brothers and sisters the power to tear down, to hurt, to break. It is the structures, and systems, and ways that history so easily brings out the worst in us that need correction. People need compassion.
People are gifts. All people. Those who agree with us, and those who disagree. We belong to each other, and we need each other to get us through the mess we leave behind. The majestic power of the US civil rights movement was an unshakable commitment to non-violence, and the love for others – all others, oppressor and oppressed alike. At its core, loving kindness and mercy is to respect my neighbor – my neighbor’s rights, my neighbor’s livelihood, my neighbor’s property, my neighbor’s role in society and my neighbor’s perspective on issues. To love kindness and mercy is to see that banker, that activist, that child, that addict, that cop, that veteran, that Republican, that Democrat, that homeless brother and that business owner sister as my family.

Walk humbly with my God. To me, God’s reign is unquestioned, and unshakable. Our interpretation of and partnership with that reign is what is to be held lightly. It is God who reigns, and we who serve.

“To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Three strands, woven together, one message, one mandate, one lifestyle, one calling.

To my friends in the “Occupy” movement: as you hold these strands together, I stand with you; ignore or deny any of these, even in the service of “the cause,” and life is out of balance, and ultimately people are hurt.

History has proven that civil disobedience rooted in social justice and bounded by unfiltered mercy is a noble cause that changes nations. History has also shown that civil disobedience driven by self interest, unfair labeling, irresponsible rhetoric or blind ignorance spawns the seeds of anarchy where no one wins.

As Lynne K. Varner wrote in the Seattle Times today, "Anger needs a home but don't let this outburst fizzle. Let it morph into a slow burn of political consciousness...After we march, we vote."

May the Occupy movement be marked by those who act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.

Loving God

2011-10-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

To love God is “the first and greatest commandment,” so one would think that this is would be, alongside loving others, the most important priority we have in youth ministry.

But what does it actually mean?

When I met Christ, and was starting to grow in my understanding of what that actually looked like, I remember singing songs and even memorizing verses about loving God. And, frankly, I don’t remember feeling very comforted by much of it.

I wanted to love God, but I didn’t know how. I loved my parents (especially in retrospect), and I (kind of) loved my siblings. But that was sort of under the radar of the “supposed to” kind of love I was learning about in church.

What I did know is I loved my dog, I loved to play drums and basketball. I loved the feeling I got when a girl paid attention to me, or when a coach noticed that I had done something right for a change. I also loved driving fast with John Tuttle (and, truth be told, I loved my friend John, but, again, it wasn’t something I thought about… it just felt good to hang out).

But “love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind?” Although I wasn’t that great at English, I knew that this was something it was my job to do.

As I’ve gotten older I have a little more understanding of what love is and means and looks like (I’ve been married to my only love for 31 years, and that’s been a great theological laboratory). And I also have come to recognize that my loving God is actually as organic and natural as breathing, as we seek to know and trust Jesus. It is not so much about me and us loving him, but that he has first loved me, and us. Perhaps we need to help kids to see this, and to learn what it means to rest in this truth.

I am so glad we’re talking about loving God in this issue of Youthworker Journal (coming out in January, 2012). I hope you will be, too.

Sept 22 Bellevue Family Ministry training event power point slides

2011-10-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

This is the power point in movie format from the September 22, 2011, Bellevue family ministry training at 1st Presbyterian Bellevue. Let me know if it doesn't work for you, or you need an outline, or anything else.

To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com

Youth Specialties Convention San Diego 2011 Chap Clark, "Conflicting voices, needy kids, Gospel call:

2011-10-03T15:01:00.000-07:00

This is the seminar I presented at the Youth Specialties National Youth Worker Convention, San Diego, 2011 entitled "“Conflicting Voices, Needy Kids, Gospel Call: What Everybody’s Saying, What It Means, and How Can I Make Sense of It All”. This seminar was intended to make sure that influencers in youth ministry - academics, writers, speakers, bloggers, programming gurus, speakers - are walking together with one mission as we share our insights and convictions with those who are doing the actual work with kids. I, admittedly, am a chief sinner as I seek to help people understand what I believe and teach/write. Yet, as with all of my colleagues out there, I do not have the final, only, or even authoritative word. I am, like them, one voice of many. My calling, therefore, must reside in a spirit of love, teachability and commitment to God's Spirit leading us all. That is the intent of this seminar.

You can get the audio of this from Youth Specialties.

To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com

Youth Specialties Convention San Diego 2011 Chap Clark, "Hurt 2.0"

2011-10-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

This is the seminar I presented at the Youth Specialties National Youth Worker Convention, San Diego, 2011 of the title based on the new book, Hurt 2.0: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers.

To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com

AACC 2011 Chap Clark Seminar: 6 New Realities of Today's Adolescents

2011-10-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is the power point presentation from the American Association of Christian Counselors International Conference, 2011, of the seminar, "Counseling and serving today's adolescent: 6 new realities that impact our work with kids"

To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com

AACC 2011 Chap Clark Seminar: HURT 2.0

2011-10-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

This is the power point presentation I gave at the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) 2011 International Conference based on the new book of the same title, "Hurt 2.0: Inside the world of today's teenagers"

To see Chap Clark's bio and publications go to chapclark.com

ORANGE Conference, April 29 2011 power point "Changing the Church to Orange"

2011-05-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

Diversity and the Call of the Kingdom

2011-04-26T21:46:00.001-07:00

[For the next few months, my blog comes from my Page 1 comments in my role as Senior Editor of Youthworker Journal. Check it out at http://www.youthworker.com]

Diversity

It’s about time.

For all the years I have been involved as a ministry leader, many of us have treated the notion of diversity with kid gloves. We have generally made it mostly about race, or sometimes gender. But it is so much bigger, so much more central to a life of faith. And yet on the list of what being a disciple means, most of us barely have it on our radar screen. And at best it is a low-priority issue.

Looking around today, however, more and more followers of Jesus are finally beginning to read what the Bible actually says, instead of finding ways to mold it into what we want it to say.

Diversity: different people who have been called to the same family. We are called to be one, those of us from different ages, ethnicities, political parties, communities, nations, tribes and tongues. Perhaps it is time that we who believe that Jesus’ life and message matters need to step front and center and live and teach the Truth that the Scriptures consistently proclaim: all men and women are God’s children, and our differences make us stronger, more grateful, for the magnificence of the God of Creation.

In a world torn apart by convictions and perspectives, where the rich and the poor, the privileged and the vulnerable, the downcast and the encouraged all scramble to find a community where they can love and serve and contribute, the words of the Bible remain our constant guide:

“With your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation” (Revelation 5:9);

“When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood. Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow” (Isaiah 1:15-17).

The time has come to recognize that the heart of “discipleship” is aligning ourselves with God’s purpose and work in the world. Isaiah’s prophecy is a wakeup call for every believer, and especially for every Christian leader. We need to help men and women, and boys and girls, to understand that God’s invitation to follow him is so much more than what Dallas Willard calls “the Gospel of sin management.” Being a disciple, or a “learner/follower,” is about the call to do right, seek justice, encouraged the oppressed, and defend the cause and plead the case of those who need our help.

Diversity goes far beyond debates about race and gender. It is at the heart of Jesus’ work and message. Whether it involves learning how to follow Jesus in how we consider the different, the meek, the deaf, the jailed, the dirty, the mean, or the sad, Jesus has gone before us, bringing his message of hope and reconciliation, and we are compelled to follow.

It’s about time!

Pop Culture, The Eagles and Pet Peeves

2011-04-26T21:31:00.001-07:00

[For the next few months, my blog comes from my Page 1 comments in my role as Senior Editor of Youthworker Journal. Check it out at http://www.youthworker.com]

Pop Culture, The Eagles and Pet Peeves

The encounter happened when I served as an interim preacher. After one sermon, a kind, elderly woman approached me and asked, “What music feeds your soul?”

I answered her honestly. “The Eagles,” I said, “especially the early years.”

She looked ready to faint. Instead she walked away mumbling to herself.

I was her senior pastor by the time the 2004 presidential elections came around. In one sermon I said I believed it was my job to help members of the congregation think theologically about their political choices rather than fall for ideological rhetoric or sweeping generalizations.

“I will not tell you who I am going to vote for,” I said. “Instead, I want to explain how I am going to make my decision.”

After this sermon my elderly friend approached me again. “I know exactly who you are going to vote for,” she said, “because there is only one way a Christian CAN vote!”

She stared at me, daring me to disagree.

I smiled, put my hand on her arm and tried to create a safe middle ground where we could talk. “All I am asking is that we step back, ask good questions about the candidates and their positions, and make sure we are fighting God’s battles–not our own.”

“How dare you?” she stammered before storming off.

I thought about this encounter June, 2008, as I attended a candidate forum on faith and values featuring the three leading Democratic candidates.

Culture has divided believers for centuries, whether it’s politics or pop culture. At times we all cling so tightly to our pet peeves and personal agendas that we miss God's call for how to engage the world he loves.

Whether it’s burning Beatles albums or insisting that God can only work through one political party, we get stuck and the Kingdom passes us by.

Meanwhile, I still get fired up when I hear “Life in the Fast Lane.” And I’m still not telling who I’m voting for.

Questioning Sports’ Game Book for Life

2011-04-21T18:52:00.001-07:00

[For the next few months, my blog comes from my Page 1 comments in my role as Senior Editor of Youthworker Journal. Check it out at http://www.youthworker.com]

We’ve all heard the mantra that “sports builds character.” But I wonder what kinds of character lessons our unquenchable cultural fixation with sports is passing on to young people.

A century and an ocean away, British prep schools operated on the assumption that elite young men could learn through athletic competition much of what they needed as future military, government and business leaders. The theory was that cricket, rowing and other sporting activities could teach tomorrow’s ruling class about moral authority, courage, dignity, fair play, and the importance of teamwork.

That was then—where are we now? Sociologists agree that sports are a training ground that reinforces the driving values of our culture. Unfortunately, one of the primary lessons is that the number-one goal—both on the field and in life—is to win at all costs regardless of whether it requires cheating, performance-enhancing substances, or dirty play.

As I argue in my book Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers (Baker, 2005), for many young people, sports does more harm than good. But as soon as I say this, many will write me off for being sacrilegious toward one of our culture’s major sacred cows. Even in the church, many have blindly baptized sports, accentuating its perceived benefits and ignoring its darker side. In many churches, pastors joke about the primacy people place on sports (“Don’t worry, the service will be over before kickoff!”).

There are hundreds of ministries, parachurch organizations, and sports camps targeting modern gladiators or their young progeny. And where would our youth ministry programming be without basketball or soccer tournaments?

Many of these activities accomplish much good, as we see in the roundtable discussion of sports ministry leaders in this issue. But too often we forget to ask the hard questions. Questions such as:

• What kinds of lessons does sports really teach kids about life?

• What kind of character are we developing in kids when we endorse competitive T-ball, paid trainers for Little Leaguers, and child cheerleaders for pee-wee football?

• What impact does our fixation on money and celebrity in pro sports—one example being the growing number of broadcasts of high school sporting events—have on impressionable young people?

• And what does God think about the behaviors, language, and attitudes that characterize our modern equivalent of ancient gladiatorial events?

This issue of YouthWorker Journal is trying to challenge you to develop a theology of sports. We hope the articles help you do that. I would like to say more about this, but I can’t right now. I have to throw on my jersey and heat the cheese sauce. The Notre Dame-Stanford game is about to start.

parents and their kids

2010-01-23T11:43:00.000-08:00

Like you, there's something about the innocence of children that so quickly shifts into a wholly more complex and confusing animal called an adolescent. Yet as a parent, and as a researcher of kids and culture, beneath this confusion and complexity there is a naive optimism that shows itself in those late-night talks, or bursts of free and unfiltered childlike laughter. When children - not just our kids, but all kids - get a little older, and a bit more separate and guarded, it is so easy for us to believe the outside is the whole picture. We can't be fooled. Every one is desperately on the quest to find someone who truly and unselfishly cares for them. Every one...

The Rise of the New YS

2010-01-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

Today marks The Return of Tic!

Youthworks, the non-profit mission group from Minnesota, finalized their purchase of Youth Specialities (YS) a few weeks ago. The first order of business, announced today, is the hiring of Tic Long to come back and lead the New YS.

Youth Specialties has been the central gathering place for men and women around the world who share two deep convictions: Jesus Christ and kids. For over 30 years, first envisioned by Wayne Rice and Mike Yaconelli and a handful of youth ministry leaders, YS has been a home for those who see their calling to love Christ and kids where we could be encouraged, trained, sharpened and reminded that our work with kids is first and always God's work that we get to somehow share with him. What we call YS has been a family, a community, a church. Over the years there were substantive changes, but when Mike died in 2003, so many of us felt like our mast had been shattered. The leadership, both the paid staff and those who saw YS as their calling as speakers and writers, hung on, stayed together, and did what we all could to preserve the original Youth Specialties, or at least where we were post-Nouwen through the 90s and into the early 2000s (see Mike's Dangerous Wonder for descriptions of the Nouwen influence on so many of us).

When YS struggled through the economic realities of 2008 and 2009, and so many of our family members were let go, ultimately leading to rumors of the sale of the event side of the "company," many felt that this was the end of Youth Specialites, at least the YS we had known for 30 years. I blogged about it, titling my remarks a eulogy. Well, Youthworks took great pains to ask significant players, both past and present, their opinion of what YS was, is, and could be. They listened, and listened well. They brought an energy, passion and excitment for the mission of YS, not just the product of YS. And now they've hired Tic, formerly "Czar for Life" (I'm not kidding - there are still some of those letterheads around), then "President" of YS, "President of Events" for YS, and finally a year ago laid off when the bottom line went south.

I don't know what Tic's title will be, maybe Czar again, since it had so much clout two decades ago. But I do know that both Youthworks and now Tic are back in the game, committed to doing whatever they can as God leads to maintain the core mission of Youth Speicalities for all these years: Jesus Christ and those kids he loves.

I wish Tic and Youthworks Godspeed, and my friendship, partnership and prayer. I hope you do the same.

Christmas card letters (redux)

2009-12-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

There are lots of opinions about this, and lots of disagreement. After reading through several of these letters today, I can’t help it, I have to join in.
I want to first say that all in all I like Christmas card letters, especially the combination of pictures and letters. I like seeing kids grow up, hearing about new hobbies and adventures, and basic information that makes me feel closer to friends and re-connected to faraway friends.
Okay, that said, there are some other thoughts I have that do not exactly lift me into the Christmas spirit when I receive them. Here are three things that are sure to cause a reaction in me:
1. Letters that pretend that life is only good. It may have been a stellar year, with grades and job opportunities and vacations that could only have happened once a century, but this year happened to be it. I’m not saying we need to be negative, just more or less real. The year will come, trust me, when there seems to be nothing to write about but heartache and struggle. That has to be okay to share, but it needs to be done recognizing that in the midst of the darkness there are always rays of light… this is Christmas, after all.
2. Letters that presents a parent (usually the Dad) the chance to be clever at the kids’ expense. We get these every year, to varying degrees of intention and subtlety. Sure, we all can forgive the innocent gaff or mild tease easily enough. But there are those people, and most of the time its the same folks year after year, who cannot seem to avoid taking the Christmas letter to “joke” about their kids in a way that demeans, dismisses, or simply makes fun of them. Lay off, already. Life is tough enough for our kids. Even if the intent is to rebel against all those letters that makes each kid out to be All-State or the next Picasso, in the end they feel it, and it can’t help but sting. This is a great opportunity to honor them, and their trajectory. Bless, don’t curse, and let the world know how grateful and proud of them you are.
3. This is Christmas, so why is it so hard to remember that in our letters? The ones that are the toughest for me are those that have the token God/Christ accolades, but the rest of the letter is about kids, friends, fun, trips, money, sports, you name it. I have been especially struck this year by those letters from Christian leaders where, if the expected “Jesus is the reason for the season” paragraph was deleted, one would assume they were lawyers, sports agents, or Cubs fans.
You might be wondering where our example of the “appropriate” letter is. I don’t think I’ll share it with you… this is a blog. I’m just tossing out some ideas for you. (Besides, I’m pretty sure we have violated each of these pet peeves countless times over the years.)

What does a caring teacher look like?

2009-12-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

Recently a college professor from the southeast asked me the following question:

"Can you describe a caring teacher? How does this person talk and act towards adolescents?"

A caring teacher looks beyond and through the layers of external performance, behavior, attitude, dress, or anything else that would shield a child from being vulnerable and known. They are then able to appeal to the inner sanctuary of the student who is attempting to find their place in a generally hostile and unforgiving world. A caring teacher sees gifts and talents standard measures deny; a caring teacher expects creativity and talent where society evaluates conformity; and, a caring teacher believes that every child is a product of themselves and an important resource to be nurtured, and should therefore be treated with the utmost respect and gentle care so as to draw out the innate best from the student.

YS and the end of an era

2009-11-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

This week marks the end of an era: the final Youth Specialities National Youthworkers Convention of the Rice/Yaconelli era. For more than 30 years YS has been bringing together the most recognized leaders of youth ministry so that vocational and volunteer youthworkers could have the chance to be trained by, challenged by, and influenced by those who have been deeply invested in ministry to kids. As of the 2009 Atlanta Convention, this run will come to an end.

Youth Specialties is not dead, for they are being bought by a group of great people who plan to morph this movement into viability for the coming future. But the YS that Mike and Wayne began and passed on to Tic Long, Jim Burns, Rich Van Pelt, Bill McNabb, Duffy Robbins, Chap Clark, Marv Penner, Helen Musick, Doug Fields, Laurie Polich, Marko Oestreicher, and lots of others is coming to what some may see as a screeching halt. I envision that the future will be bright for the "new" YS, but the "old" YS is about to breath its last.

Most of us old timers call this a family. People who have come out of the influence of YS, like Walt Mueller, Tiger McLuen and Kara Powell, have also been an integral part of YS and are feeling the effects of the slide. Since Mike and then Karla Yaconelli saw the need to hand off YS to a new ownership group, the writing has been on the wall. The economy made this inevitable, at least according to some, but the passage of time and the consequences of choices have brought us to this place.

I will miss YS. I have obviously missed Mike since he died, but I especially miss his heart for youthworkers and for Jesus, and his style and humility and humor. I will miss the chance to argue with Tony Jones and Brian McLaren alongside Duffy, and listen to Mark Yaconelli and Shane and the godfather himself, Tony Campolo, while standing in the back making snide comments about "the old days". I lament the chance to visit for hours with veteran youthworkers who are trying to hold onto their job, and volunteers who have been hanging in there with kids for decades, and YM profs who are trying to find that middle way between academics and practice. I will miss YS.

Yet I also have hope. I believe that God has led us to YS - all of us. I know firsthand that what Doug Fields' "Simply Youth Ministry" partnering with GROUP has meant is exciting and contemporary. I believe that what Reggie Joiner and Jared Hurd are doing with the Orange conference is creative and powerful. And I do believe that the new "owners" of YS (those " " are intentional, by the way) are committed to the best of what YS has been.

But I still will miss YS for a long, long time. YS has raised me. YS has taught me. YS has nurtured me. YS has loved me. Goodbye, my friend. You will be missed.

Chap Clark

Being "Missional"

2009-09-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

“Missional” is one of those really cool words. Its not like postmodern, now passé. Nobody ever really understood it anyway and yet still it was easy to get caught using it when we didn’t have any idea what it meant. Or biblical (or Biblical, depending on your publisher), where it sounds like it would be easy to stay on safe ground, but then someone might actually call you on it and make you look up and then go through the verse you were flippantly lobbing into a conversation or message.
Yep, Missional ministry, the missional church, and now missional youth ministry – what a great word. It’s still new enough it sounds innovative, and anyone can write it, preach on it, and few if any would ever challenge your use of it. A wide-ranging word that makes us look and feel better, and yet has so much breadth that you really can’t go wrong.

Unfortunately, though (and sorry to bring this up), there actually is an important and valuable conversation going on around the meaning of this word, and what it represents. People that are studying it in light of Scripture and church history are making some noise saying that the western church has drifted so far away from anything resembling God’s call to be missional that we can now barely recognize it.
To most, missional means that we as a group of believers do our Christian thing together and then go out and “be missionaries.” We basically have slightly modified the Western missionary movement by making the starting point us.
Here’s what it means to be a missional people:
- we try to live as “committed followers of Jesus” (meaning we go to church)
- we sing and pray and listen and teach kids and write checks
- we occasionally readjust our schedules to help someone in need, especially at Christmas, Thanksgiving and before kickoff on Super Bowl Sunday
- when we have a special program or event, we invite our “friends and neighbors” to “come” to us
You see, we’re missional, because we sometimes make the effort to look outside the walls of our church and attempt to bring people in; or, if they are too different, or distant, we help them out now and then. See, we’re missional.

The problem is that is not even close to what God has in mind when we say yes to the faith we proclaim. To be missional means that if we are “a people belonging to God” (1 Peter 2:9), then our lives get turned upside down. We don’t “do” missions, we live, breath, plan, think, vote, spend, teach, read, watch, have sex, raise kids, and play video games as we follow Jesus Christ as he brings his kingdom into the world. We don’t bring the kingdom as “missionaries,” we participate in God’s kingdom work as “witnesses” (Acts 1:8).

The Invisible kid

2009-09-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

She used to come, at least for a while.

I can’t remember her name, but the look she gave me the last time I saw her sneaks up on me from time to time. She was, after all, nondescript. A sophomore, I think, with few friends. She came to our youth group for a few months. Sat in the middle and seemed to moderately enjoy herself. But she didn’t know any student leaders (and they tend to find ways to be busy to stay together regardless) or even talk to any of the more noticeable groups that dominated our attention. She just sat there, maybe with a couple of friends, week after week, and then she’d leave. Finally she stopped coming.

What was her name again?

When I allow myself to be honest, my ministry has reflected an uncomfortable paradox throughout my ministry to kids. On one hand, I’ve found great solace, identity, and even “spiritual encouragement” (an all-too-often euphemism for those times I feel good because I have been successful but find a way to locate my euphoria within the rubric of being “blessed”) from numerical growth. On the other, for every incremental increase in group numbers, a few more kids find themselves left out of the gift of our incarnational attention. The bigger we grow, or during those seasons when the program is cooking, it is so easy for us to focus on those kids who are excited, and involved, and known. Then there are The Invisibles. They add to the numbers, and even sometimes the energy, but, let’s face it, they all too often get lost in the hype.

Remember that non-descript woman who approached Jesus (Mark 5)? “If I can just touch his clothes, she thought …” But even when she touched him and was healed, she wasn’t. And Jesus knew! Ever pondered that little phrase? Jesus “felt the power go out of him.” He knew her …

“Who touched my clothes?” Where are you, you who are desperate to stay invisible? Your healing isn’t done; my work is not yet finished with you. Come, make yourself known, because I already know you … and … I love you.

What was her name again? That invisible girl, who slipped in and out of vision and ministry and calling. I know one thing, Jesus knows her name.

Helicopter parents

2009-09-13T17:45:00.001-07:00

There's a lot of talk these days about the way parents are too intrusive, or controlling, or dominant when it comes to running their kids' lives. We've all heard the prototypical examples:
- the dad that does the science project (or in California, builds the mission!)
- the parents who write the college essay
- the mom who confronts the teacher when the kid is in trouble ("I don't know why I did it... there was the bunson burner; there was a pony tail; it just seemed sorta natural...")

The label most often used, especially but not exclusively by colleges, is the Helicopter Parent.

As I've considered what many think is the opposite of my term "systemic abandonment," the helicopter parent is actually just displaying a form of abandonment. In my view, the kind of parents that hover to the point that they answer questions the kid should be answering is actually keeping the kid from learning how to discover and express who they are (Identity) and what kind of personal power, or sense of self, they are developing (Autonomy). I don't really think most of these folks are necessarily "helicopter parents," but rather are parents who, for the most part, deeply care for their children and therefore think they are acting in the best interest of the child as they are trying to help them. These parents (and, frankly, at times the rest of us) abandon their kid whenever we are not actively seeking to help them become the independent, individuated person they have been created and called to become. This is because the concept itself refers to any adult that is more concerned with their own perspective/agenda than the
developmental best of the kid.

And sometimes parents may be appearing to be "helicopter" when in fact they may be far more aware of any teacher, administrator, resident advisor or coach what is the best way to help an adolescent move into healthy adulthood. Whether or not parents slip into the hover mode is at base a difficult thing to really know. When any of us are critical of those parents who may seem to be over-the-top when it comes to their involvement with their child, it might be a good idea to step back and see if we might come alongside and be a source of support and help to the whole system. And when we are pretty sure we're right in our assesment of over-controlling parents (or any adult), then maybe our best next step is to be there for that child in the role we do have with them, and provide the authentic and supportive support they truly need. Maybe the helicopter will take note and settle down a bit and join in.

"gender neutrality is out in new Bible"

2009-09-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

This headline, buried next to a huge Vons ad on page A19, LA Times, Sept 6, 2009, caught my eye. The president of Biblica, Keith Danby, was quoted, "If we want to maintain the NIV as a Bible that English speakers around the world can understand, we have to listen to and respect the vocabulary they are using today."

2011 will be the dawn of this new vocabulary that is forcing a change upon the editors of the NIV. So drastic the change will be, the TNIV, a version that has sought to bring up to date the original intent of biblical authors by including women in traditionally male references, will be phased out. The TNIV, of course, does this without taking away from the gender of the Second Person of the Trinity (born a son), or of messing with the Fatherhood of God. The TNIV, under attack for years by misguided and mis-representative assertions, has simply sought to present a reading and text that were clearly in the vocabulary of modern people (see, I even said it; should I had better said "modern man").

So what is this current vocabulary that "English speakers around the world" are clamoring for? Evidently, a return to a time when male words were used to include all - like "mankind" and "men of faith." I supposed those who editorially control the NIV have caved into pressure from people who claim to represent "English speaking people around the world," who claim to believe that contemporary (dare I say Postmodern?) people could not understand a phrase that includes women as well as men?

Take Matthew 7:4, for example. Here are the translations:
Confusing TNIV: How can you say, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
Clarifying NIV: How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time their is a plank in your own eye.

Okay, now I get it. Wow, and for all these years I had thought we were beyond asking, nope, telling, women and girls that they have to learn how translate archaric texts, including the Bible, so that they find a way to be included in such writings! Good thing the NIV editors caught this... we wouldn't want anyone to miss out on the beauty, power, and wonder of God's Word because they didn't "understand" the scriptures because of the vocabulary they were used to.

Perhaps we'll simply go back to doing what I was taught three decades ago as a Young Life intern: Learn to translate these words and phrases as you go, while staying faithful to the intent and meaning of the text. Find ways to make sure that everyone you speak to knows that God is interested in them, and is wooing them into his kingdom. So if that means changing "brother" to "brother and sister," then honor Christ and the women you serve by being a faithful communicator of the truth of the scriptures to those God loves. Perhaps someday, then, the men of the future will come to see that gender is a gift of God, and that Jesus (and Paul et al) spoke and speaks to all of us as his children.

SLP daily blog -final days

2009-07-02T09:00:00.001-07:00

The Student Leadership Project (or SLP), the 8 year Lilly Endowment-funded partnership of Young Life and Fuller Seminary. 37 high school rising seniors from across the country, hand-picked, personally chosen and nominated for leadership gifts and calling.

Tuesday, Day Nine
Last night was one of the highlights of the entire SLP experience. After our day of rest and play, and conversation and reflection, we gathered for our last Young Life club where we sang with such gusto the camp staff came sneaking into the back trying to get a glimpse at the “choir”. Our crescendo moment came when several of our African-American student leaders taught us the song We are blessed that they had learned at a YL urban camp the year before. We sang and sang like it was our last night on earth. Following club, we ended our last night in the southern California mountains with an old-fashioned camp fire and “Say so” gathering where most of our community shared what God had been doing in their lives since they had arrived. There was laughter, and tears, but mostly sober expressions of honesty and pain and hope and gratitude. A powerful reminder of why we do this program: kids need a safe place to be real, to go deep, and to bring the package of where they have been and who they are to the Lord. In community, where there is love and faith, hope reigns.

Tuesday was our last time in the mountains, and after breakfast and devotional reflections and prayer triads, the student leaders filled out their end-of-experience surveys (that we use as a pre- and post-test instrument to get one slice of outcome data as we seek to improve our work). Following this, one of our young women shared an original song, others taught us a song, we heard from a leader (most of the in-room leaders had shared their story at our gatherings along the way), and received a wrap-up message on going home from Dr. Cliff Anderson.

Late Tuesday afternoon we returned to Pasadena for our last night. Beginning with a banquet meal at Twin Palms, we finished our night with an interactive worship/community time where we first reflected on Hebrews 11, sang a few songs, and then had the opportunity for the next hour and a half to move in and out of five “stations”: communion (or “community meal” for some of the traditions represented), private confession with a symbolic cleansing of their hands, the lighting of a candle of dedication and the giving of a personal blessing, being sent out with the anointing of oil, and an art station where the student leaders could express themselves through a variety of artistic modes. This lasted deep into the night, and following our closing song at 12:20 or so, we took the next 45 minutes to clean up and say our goodbyes.

On Wednesday, the Day Ten of this report, but actually our eleventh day together, the SLP student leaders and staff headed home to begin the next phase of the project: to carry on in mostly virtual community while being mentored and cared for along the next five years. We hope to see each and every one take at least one Fuller class, but our greatest goal is that they would know what it means to follow Christ and live for him, leaning forward into his kingdom, and trust him to lead, shape, forgive, and guide them along the journey. That’s SLP, 2009.

SLP daily blog -final days

2009-07-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

SLP daily blog Day Eight

2009-06-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

The Student Leadership Project (or SLP), the 8 year Lilly Endowment-funded partnership of Young Life and Fuller Seminary. 37 high school rising seniors from across the country, hand-picked, personally chosen and nominated for leadership gifts and calling.

Monday, Day Eight
As we look to wrap up our SLP 09 experience, our morning was filled with exploring what it means to follow Christ when we so often fail, get discouraged, and sometimes even slip away. Our search brought us into the book of Galatians, and especially the fifth chapter, where Paul reminds us that it is faith, or trust in God, that when coupled with waiting on the Spirit produces the “righteousness for which we hope.” Typically Christians focus on trying to “be righteous” by being good and worthy and consistent to the rules and norms we’ve been taught. It is so easy to live as though God were folding his arms waiting for us to “get with” the demands of the Gospel. But Paul turns that thinking upside down when we read Galatians 5:5. Our job is to trust and wait, his job is to change us into the men and women we are called to be. And the outcome? There is only one that concerns our Father: love (Galatians 5:6, “…the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love”).

With rapt attention and personal reflection, our student leaders and staff community wrestled with the specific areas or issues where we do not, or at least struggle with, trust Christ. This now defines the journey we are all on as leaders: hearing and heeding the call of the Holy Spirit who draws our attention to whatever would steal our abandoned trust in the lion of Judah, our king. Working through what I call “regular spiritual disciplines” as followers of Christ (worship, prayer, scripture, community, giving and justice) and other “proven” historical spiritual disciplines of the people of God, like fasting, contemplation, solitude, etc., we are more readily aligned with the Spirit who is at work within us.

Heady concepts for high school rising seniors, but our student leaders really wanted to know what it could mean to learn how to lean into the kingdom of God versus wallowing in the muck of guilt from the past or the bandage of failure and discouragement in the present. Our student leaders are preparing to go home, and to enter into a whole new way of living for Jesus Christ and serving him and his kingdom. Today they’ve gotten the teaching, reflected on the scripture, and this afternoon and evening now present the opportunity to work through it all in community.

SLP daily blog Day Seven

2009-06-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

SLP daily blog Day Six

2009-06-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

SLP daily blog Day Five

2009-06-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

SLP daily blog Day Three

2009-06-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, Day Three
After the first two days and three nights of teaching and learning and connecting, the SLP student leaders were ready for the most pivotal day of the experience – an immersion into both ends of the LA socioeconomic spectrum. We first gathered together on Fuller’s campus for directed quiet times and prayer triads. Then they were introduced to what can happen when faithful and committed people decide to act in the face of injustice and poverty. In this case, its Joe Colletti and Sandi “Mama” Romero, who a decade ago embarked on an “impossible” task to “take back” a neighborhood and park for the residents of downtown Los Angeles. In the mid-1980s MacArthur Park, for decades one of LA’s prime historical landmarks, had been invaded by violence, fear, hopeless and darkness. As followers of Christ called to bring hope and healing to the inner city, Joe and Sandi dove into the center of the park and built a community development infrastructure that has been so overwhelmingly successful that “Mamas Hot Tamales” has been featured on NBC News with Brian Williams. Our student leaders spent a few hours with Sandi, and heard her amazing story of vision, struggle, faithfulness and pride.

Following our time with Sandi, the students walked the primarily Latino community with $5 to spend as a group. They went from shop to shop, among street venders and the homeless, into flea markets and diners. Then we drove them the 5+ miles down Wilshire Blvd to the infamous Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. Same street, two vastly different worlds. There they walked the shops and streets, and also had $5 to spend.

Our debrief is tonight, but from what we’ve heard so far they got the chance to see and experience close up poverty and exorbitant wealth, and in the process came face to face with power and injustice and race and prejudice. Tonight we get to share together how it felt as Christ’s followers to see what Sandi and Joe have done in the name of Christ, how the undocumented and poverty-riddled people of Los Angeles live, and what its like to try and be a kid, especially a kid of color, to walk into a high-end boutique and spend $5. If past years are any indication, today will be an important day in the life of each student leader.

Student Leadership Project (SLP) - Day Two

2009-06-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

SLP daily blog

2009-06-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

Day One, the Student Leadership Project (or SLP), the 8 year Lilly Endowment-funded partnership of Young Life and Fuller Seminary. 37 high school rising seniors from across the country, hand-picked, personally chosen and nominated for leadership gifts and calling.

Monday, Day One
Last night was great: after a harrowing day of missed flights and delayed luggage, we gathered to learn names, play together and sing. After an initial "cabin time" with their assigned in room leaders and a good night sleep, we hit the ground running with quiet times notebooks and class on the "Deep Model" of ministry and discipleship (developed by me and Kara Powell) and Craig Detweiler's prep for our Hollywood excursion. After lunch and the Hollywood tour, we headed to the Rose Bowl for games and pictures, and finish at a pool party and our first Young Life club.

Today walls are dropping and the student leaders are settling in and making connections. A great start of SLP 09.

Guns, Man's Best Friend

2009-06-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

On Jun 4, 2009, at 12:34 PM, ConservativeActionAlerts wrote to me:

"There are concerns all over the country that Barack Obama will destroy the Second Amendment. Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms (CCRKBA), a public interest group with high principles is working to prevent this destruction. People are always asking what they can do to protect the United States from Gun Grabbers. The answer? Support the relentless work of CCRKBA! Below, please find an important update on the Second Amendment Fight.

Conservative Action Alerts"

I responded to them:

Thanks for this... it is great to know that we are safe to keep our guns away from the "gun grabbers" you mention. Yep, let's ensure that children can get ready access, estranged husbands can get instant weapons at gun "shows" (an appropriate title for the experience, right fellas?), criminals can get automatics, and that psychologically unstable people can always find a way to "protect their freedom" by blowing away their neighbors, colleagues, or local police.

Certainly, you all are correct, all those who could even imagine the possibility of even slight or minor reasonable limits on the immense proliferation of every type of weapon are out to "destroy the Second Amendment"! I love this logic, because it is based in neither fact nor reality. It is entirely based on raw, unfiltered, intellectually uncluttered bias, prejudice and tunnel vision.

Please count me in. I am with you. Next they'll want to take away the right to exclude people we don't like, or understand, or even look like from our lives, especially in places like schools and restaurants. Wouldn't America be great if we could only keep it pure for us?

Walla Walla Baccalaureate 2009

2009-05-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

In sending you off – and that’s what a baccalaureate is about – a sending and a blessing…

Of all the things that Jesus said, one of the oddest and maybe seemingly harshest was this (evidently he said it a lot, see Matthew 10 and 16):

Luke 9:23-25 “…must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it…”

When we hear it, we tend to focus on that “denying” myself and “take up their cross daily” part… and look at it from the cost side of the equation…

But in looking carefully at the life of Jesus – who he is, what he came to do and bring – the force of this statement, and his whole life is much more about the following than the denying…

When Jesus said to his friends, the disciples, “follow me” – from the very beginning this was his message. He was inviting them to the amazing life and journey they were created and designed for.

Growing up I remember maps of the world… Kansas was the center of the map (the center now is usually the Atlantic ocean). We have been taught, you have grown up to believe, that this world begins and ends with us. And not only us, but our life, our circumstances, our dreams, desires and longings…and that life is only lived in how we can somehow manage the world that is right in front of us, feeling shame and insecurity from your past and consumed with making sense out of surviving the future.

But as you are being blessed and launched/sent off as graduates, Jesus’ words to his disciples are his words to you today… the invitation, literally the calling you have been created for is to recognize that there is a big world out there, with innumerable issues and struggles. Jesus Christ is on the move, bringing in his kingdom reign over all of creation… and his call to you, and the call you were created for, is to grab his hand, recognize and deny the limitations of your own desires and perspectives, and follow him into this world he loves. Jesus is moving throughout not only history but in every heart and every voice in every land and every nation. You are his voice, his hands, his care to those he calls you to stand beside.

Everywhere there are people that are in desperate need of people who will stand by them, for his sake and his glory.

Watch this as a reminder of how big God's world is, and how we are called to stand by those he loves: http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2539741

when in deep contemplation, say very little...

2009-04-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I posted. But it is not due to a lack of reflection or having little to say (neither have ever been on my short list of problems).

My dad died six weeks ago, and I am going through a fairly intense period of seeking and thinking and wrestling and arguing... about various issues and convoluted subjects. But at the core is this sense that the bottom has somehow dropped out, and inside I'm spinning.

Not like I am falling apart, or that life has taken a drastic turn for me or us, but more like that carnival ride that relies on centrifugal force, where once you're spinning at a certain speed they literally drop the floor out from under you. This is advertised to be fun. (Well, the last time I risked it I vomited with my 9th grade "date" standing next to me... ruined the next several weeks)

I feel just like that now. Life is spinning, and actually at a pretty good clip. I have worked hard, made some good decisions, ducked a few others. But I've also spoken when I shouldn't have, hit Send on a few emails that I needed to be softened a bit, and more times than I'd like to admit outwardly displayed an engagement when frankly I was somewhere far, far away (remember the floor ride?). In other words, I have not been very good at this grieving thing.

Grief comes in waves, you know. It is also unpredictable, sometimes frightening, and occasionally devastating. You see, I lost my father, and now some of those issues and memories and incongruities that I have neatly hidden away are wreaking havoc on my soul, my heart, my mind.

My friends, grieving or not, the following non-sage bit of advice comes solely from my own experience, current as it is:

When in deep contemplation, or distracted by the inner whispers of the soul, or held prisoner by the fickle ravages of pain and loss, say very little.

Unless you blog...

Kids, Sex, and the NY Times

2009-01-27T16:34:00.000-08:00

The article was titled, "The Myth of Rampant Teenage Promiscuity" by Tara Parker-Pope.

"The news is troubling, but it’s also misleading. While some young people are clearly engaging in risky sexual behavior, a vast majority are not. The reality is that in many ways, today’s teenagers are more conservative about sex than previous generations."

The entire article seemed to me to so badly miss the point of what is really happening with kids that it was easy to dismiss it. But then I hit this line, “But so many people think we’re morally in trouble, in a downward spiral and teens are out of control. It’s very difficult to convince people otherwise.”

While I for one appreciate that there are many kids who have not gone down the path of irresponsible, casual and carefree sexual expression, I am deeply grieved that there are some, perhaps most, researchers and newspaper reporters (even with the venerable NY Times!) who take small slices of recent data and make global statements telling us that everything's alright. That bothers me... that actually gets me pretty fired up.

Here's a few facts:

Princeton and Cornell (2006) studied their own kids, freshman, and determined that 1 in 5 of the girls admitted to self-injury (essentially cutting), and 1 in 7 freshman boys. A little over a decade ago when we first started talking about self-injury, it was approximately 1 in 288 of all females and zero males!

Center for Disease Control (March, 2008) reported that 25% of all girls nationally between 14 and 19 had at least one STD... and that was what was reported through the medical community, so it is certainly worse, especially for boys.

Around 2000 Dr. Lester Thurow, MIT professor, reported that "parents now spend 40% less time with their children than they did 30 years ago."

Are things changing? Are kids more secure, supported, nurtured culture-wide? Are teachers more freed up by our expectations that they have the time, energy and incentives to deeply care about each student? Are coached more trained and convinced that the developmental psyche and needs of a fragile child are more important that winning, especially before high school? Are parents as a rule today more self-aware and healthier than the last crop of parents? Are media influencers and executives more committed to protecting the tender minds of our kids than a generation ago?

Do we use kids less now than we did, say, twenty years ago? Or fifty years ago?

Come on, we all know the answer. We all know, and have even personally experienced, the profound agony of being wounded by adults that were supposed to be grown ups. And its worse for today's kids growing up; lots, lots worse.

Come on, NY Times, let's see if you have the courage to actually look deeply into the eyes and into the souls of today's young and tell me that they're better off, more nurtured, and "more conservative" and healthier than previous generations. I dare you.

The Church: A Barbarian Revolt or a Passing on of the Faith Story?

2008-12-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

December 27. Today is our anniversary. Imagine, Dee putting up with me for 28 years! Our partnership, our friendship, our commitment and abandoned passion has given us quite a ride.

Every anniversary it happens to me: I get this "What's the new, next, around-the-bend reality and calling that needs a fresh look?" feeling. I pull out books I had meant to read, revisit journal entries, fire up my (some would say hyper-) critical facilities, and attempt to align my mind and soul and heart with what God is up to.

So I read a book by a well-known Christian influencer this morning. It disturbed me, mostly due to the abundance of sweeping, unsubstantiated generalizations and unending use of stories to prove points the author has already asserted (and now wants to drive home with a family anecdote). Filled with over-statement, accusation, and condescension, the book is less about what it means to be a devoted follower of Christ than it is a shot across the bow, okay, a shot between the eyes, toward those who the author believes have allowed themselves to be complacent, "civilized" Christians. One example of how whole congregations are cast:

“Civility focuses our energy on all the wrong places. We spend our lives emphasizing our personal development and spiritual well-being. We build churches that become nothing more than hiding places for the faithful while pretending that our actions are for the good of the world.”

Yet, at the same time, I'm glad I read it, for there is a basic message flowing from these pages that need to be heard. It can be summarized in these two statements:

“Domesticated Christians are far too willing to abdicate the battle for the soul of the world… The driving purpose of this barbarian revolt is to liberate every person who longs to find freedom in God.”

I want to think more about this. Without resorting to an almost offensive assault on those whose faith expressions look different than mine, or who do value education and piety and reflection, I am struck by the simple and abandoned core reminder that, especially in today's world, those who publicly use Christ's name can easily be seen as having little passion for or commitment to the radical message of the Gospel.

I will thank this author when I see him. I will also ponder and then take these thoughts into my Fuller class starting January 5, Youth Outreach. For you who are taking the class, get ready for a ride.

Happy anniversary, Dee. Thanks for the gift of life together. May we always stay the course, and run and free after the prize for which Jesus has taken hold of us.

2008-12-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

When it comes to politics, Who do we follow?

2008-11-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

Lots of noise about Obama (the man I voted for) and his recent statements and political appointees (For Obama to win AIPAC he needed Rahm Emanuel to help Obama prove he was a bigger friend of Israel than Clinton and McCain. According to this MSNBC video
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_yA8J-oGQk) it was Rham who set AIPAC up for Obama to pledge his loyalty to AIPAC as you can see here:
http://www.aipac.org/about_AIPAC/Learn_About_AIPAC/2841_12181.asp

For example Obama has had to declare what Rahm Emanuel believes and what AIPAC continually pushes for... "Jerusalem is Israel's undivided capital". Contrary to international law and U.S. official policy.)

This is my response to the person who sent me this information:

... this is why I want to concentrate on following Christ more than politically lining up no matter who it is. Rham was a terrible choice, but obviously highly political.

Politics is exactly that - politics. Life and faith and love and care are values of the Kingdom. I think many of my friends and colleagues have it wrong... a state cannot simply be more "Christian" by lining up a handful of policies, especially during an election, and Obama looks and sounds so much more like someone we align with, but we need to remember we really don't know the people and players behind the scenes...

My suggestion to all of us:

1. refrain from demonizing those in public whom we really don't know... "love your enemies" comes to mind

2. believe in, hope and pray for the best in our leadership, especially now... the stakes are as high as they've ever been

3. interpersonal love, care, consistency, discipline, integrity, and faithfulness are far, far more important to God than "changing the world" - God is the one who is bringing in his kingdom, our job is living out "His righteousness" (the sermon on the mount is almost entirely about our personal lives - matthew 5-7)

4. Even though it sounds old-fashioned and out of vogue, there is no doubt if the Gospel means anything it is about responding to Christ's love and care in such a way that we become his dispensers of his mercy and grace: "Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness" (Romans 6:13) ...

AND THEN ALLOW THAT SPIRIT OF GENTLENESS AND DEPTH AND INTEGRITY SPILL OVER INTO THE PUBLIC SECTOR.

May those who follow the King take care to represent him well...

Been dabbling in Isaiah

2008-09-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

I've been taking some time in Isaiah, and so this fall I'll toss out a thought or two now and then.

Isaiah 1:2-3

The opening vision begins with the Lord referring to Israel as the children he "reared" and "brought up." When reading this book, it seems to me to vital to keep in mind the affective and intensely personal bottom line of God's concern for his people. No, not just his people, but his children.

When I consider my life, there is no person, no dream, no plan, no ambition that has power over my heart, mind and soul than my kids. I worry some about all of the above and more, yet, at least for me, rarely do any of these consume me. When I think about my children, I celebrate the most innocuous events and genuinely cherish the simplest things. I also know no greater fear or anxiety when my kids are in pain, or struggle, or fail. My experience tells me that I am not alone, that most parents feel that way.

When each of our three kids were born, within hours they grabbed my pinky. I have been a dad for 27 years tomorrow, and in my view nine months longer than that. Not a day has gone by when I am not profoundly aware that, although they may not feel it or even know it, they have never quite let go.

Celebrating the "gifted" child

2008-07-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't want their kid to be accepted in a "gifted" program? Whether it is an official invitation from school officials due to "objective" criteria, like grades, test scores, or nomination, or making an elite team or association (i.e., competitive soccer), parents experience an emotional jolt when their kid is thus affirmed. They are proud, happy, and fulfilled, at least at the moment.

This sense of identification with the winner is not limited to parents. The more public or noteworthy the "opportunity," the wider the circle of pride goes. The boy who is the star of his all-star team receives dozens of notes paper-clipped to the three line description of his four hit game from neighbors and people at church. The pretty girl who gets the commercial deal in third grade has an entire school of fans who clamor to be identified with their little star. The kids who win the league championship, or whose cheer team is invited to Disneyland to compete on ESPN, or whose SAT scores grab the attention of teachers, administrators and colleges all know that they are celebrated for one reason - their accomplishment brings joy and pride to those who either never were able to reach such heights themselves or who use the moment to dust off their own trophies on their fireplace mantel.

Is this a bad thing? Is it wrong to celebrate a kids' accomplishment, or to feel a sense of pride when someone we know, even from a distance, gets honored and appreciated? The answer is neither simple nor obvious. Instead of taking a stand, then, there are two aspects of this that concern me:

First, what about the non-achievers, those kids who not only never make the all-star team, but got cut as a ten year old, or who struggle to get a B, or who build the sets or carry the equipment? How do we celebrate those kids, the ones who are in the vast majority, yet know that all of the accolades and praise that floats all around them will never even begin to dust their own souls? One teacher called these kids "middle kids," and warned me as a researcher-substitute teacher that I wouldn't like them. I worry for these middle kids - who celebrates them? Who throws them a party, sends them a note, or brags about them from the pulpit? What school publishes their name, what newspaper makes note of their Saturdays, what neighbor brags about them at work?

Second, what about the fact that athletics is fickle and standardized tests measure one tiny slice of what might eventually make a successful adult? How are we setting up our "stars" when all too soon they come to the realization that the slaps on the back, the notes, and the stares will only come their way as long as they stay on top. They know that its not about them at all. Their fame, their popularity, their status and prestige is actually more for the benefit of those who cherish them than a way to celebrate them as a person. When the day comes where they have a bad game, get cut, or get in trouble, or their grades slip, or they struggle with eating or cutting or addiction or loneliness, the crowds are long gone.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Anyone who will not receive the kingdom as a little child will never enter it."
- Jesus of Nazareth

"Hot" - compliment, or flagrant objectification?

2008-07-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

In some ways, who wouldn't want to be considered "hot"? After all, it is such a common way to describe someone today.

I asked a bunch of high school at a conference this week what "hot" meant. I tried to get them to offer some synonyms, like "cute" or "attractive." But none of them went there, they said "hot" was different, it was more than cute (one guy even said, "You can be ugly and hot."), it was, in short, a word that describes someone who is sexually attractive.

Did any of them feel like it was kind of an unfair and denigrating word? They were pretty taken aback by my question (even after I explained what "denigrating" meant!), but then just shrugged and said that being hot was a good thing, a compliment, and that any girl, or guy for that matter, would want to be called hot. It seems to be akin to a bit less common but similarly located term, sexy. But at least with that one we all knew what we were talking about.

Hm, I'm certain most people would see using hot is relatively harmless, and let's face it, probably almost everybody does want to be sexually attractive. This is what strikes me about this word: it seems that the familiar use of the word gives permission for leering, lust, and objectifying whomever we designate as hot. Perhaps we did the same thing with sexy, but this one seems to have pushed the envelop farther, and is far more blatant in its goal.

Here's where we seem to stand: to be called hot means that someone is, basically, attracted to that person in terms of sexual potential, and everybody wants to be seen that way. Great.

This is new for me, but...

2008-04-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

I've finally jumped in. After years of avoiding this, and being pushed and shoved by people I meet and friends that are way ahead of me, I'm going for it... the weekly (or so) blog.

I plan on rambling about a current event, a comment I've heard (or received, those are sometimes more fun while usually more cutting), or something that has jumped out at me at the most random time. I am excited to have a forum where I can wonder aloud as well as hear from others about the things that matter.

So, for starters, this week... 2 thoughts:

I have just committed to meeting with four young men who are just beginning their careers in ministry. They are all, ahem, somewhat less than reverent (unless you confine that idea to God and the Kingdom, justice, peace, etc.), and fun/funny. They push and pull me, and I am grateful that these four men have the courage to go after life with an old guy who continues o circle the track. I'm sure I will learn more than they, but I do think that the Lord might have some gifts in store for them as well. Stay posted...

This week in class, a family ministry class, I was teaching on the importance of having a solid theology of marriage. An obvious subset is sex (okay, maybe not so obvious, but that's another blog), so we were working through a theology of sex. As I was wrapping up a hand shot up. The mid-twenties guy asked, "Are you saying it is immoral for two people who are committed and love each other to have sex?" (It seemed clear, at least to me, that he had probably heard me right but didn't like what I had said about the definition of "sexual immorality" from 1 Thessalonians 4:3f - anytime we engage in any level of sexual intimacy that is not grounded and surrounded by commitment, and for a relatively deep level of intimacy that meant marriage as instituted by God and reaffirmed by Jesus)

I didn't give him a quick or simple answer (I think, but ask some students), I said that the question doesn't work, for it redefines something that cannot be redefined: "commitment." Today committed means we're committed until we no longer are committed, and therefore the couple that uses that kind of rhetoric is actually just playing with the idea of love as opposed to actually embracing the kind of love God designed as the foundation of sexual intimacy. "In love" as applied today is actually a meaningless concept that doesn't offer any hope for the future, any roots, and trajectory. My marriage works because Dee and I said, "I promise" and we have lived that out every day even when hard, or painful, or lonely. If I'm not promising to be around if she gets cancer or I lose my hearing - or, as in the case of one friend, if I get Parkinson's, does she bail? - then I am neither "in love" or "committed." We use lots of words to mask indecision, lack of discipline, and selfish pushing. Sex only blesses when the beloved is totally safe and secure in the knowledge that I will be there. Otherwise, it is a destructive game of words.